THE LIFELONG BATTLE OF FACING REJECTION

Rejection is something we all have to deal with our entire lives. When you are little, it stings to be the last picked for a team. It hurts when someone decides they don't want to be your friend anywhere. It is painful to not get the part you want in the school play.

In your teens, you learn the pain of being rejected by a love interest. I felt the heartache my daughter went through with unrequited love. It isn't pleasant to find out that the college you really want to go to isn't interested in you. You get acquainted with being rejected for jobs you apply for (which still happens at my advanced age). 

No matter what stage of your life you are in, rejection is always lurking. As a new mother, I dealt with rejection when my newborn son, who had been jaundiced, rejected me when I tried to breastfeed. As my children got older, I sometimes felt a little rejection when they wanted to be with their friends instead of me. (And there were times I was relieved!) 

When I was fired from a job in radio, I thought my name and talent would have other stations clamoring to hire me. My ego was rather bruised when that was not the case. In another job, I was irritated to see other employees who didn't work nearly as hard get raises, praises, and promotions. 

I have lived by advice I have given to others who pursue any creative endeavors. If you put yourself out there, whether it is through acting, singing, writing, in front of the camera or the microphone - whatever your creative pursuit might be - you have to develop a tough skin. Especially in this time of social media, your talent may be touted, but it will also be criticized. My rule is that constructive criticism should be considered. Now I am not saying that it must be followed, but it should be considered. Sometimes. constructive criticism can make whatever it is that you are doing better or stronger. And sometimes, it may not be something you choose to apply. Just consider it. If the criticism comes from someone who simply wants to insult you or tear you down, simply ignore it. I realize that might be easier said than done, but strive to rise above.

I have tried to live by what I preach. In doing voiceover work, the producer calls the shots. If my delivery wasn't want the producer wanted, they could tell me what they had in mind, and I would do it as many times as it took to achieve their vision. 

All that being said, now that I have completed writing my first novel and have submitted it to MANY agents, rejection has gotten a wee bit harder to swallow. Many rejections are simply form letters - unfortunately your project is not a good fit for me at this time. Some rejections have been almost pleasant, throwing in words like "interesting" or mentioning the name of the main character so that I can be assured my proposal was actually pondered. Unfortunately, some rejections come off as cruel: "Unfortunately, I'm afraid I wasn’t captivated enough to ask to see more material." Yes, that hurt my feelings. 

The point is that rejection will always exist in one form or another in everyone's lives. The trick is to not let it keep you down or cripple you. There have been times I have wanted to just give up. But I hold on to the thoughts that: a) I actually finished writing a novel. b) There are other agents and options in the world. c) I will put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
Rejection may be beating out acceptance right now, but the game is not over!

A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER

Mother's Day is always a little rough after your mother has died. And it can be even rougher when your kids aren't able to be with you. I am definitely not a big holiday person - not much on any holiday. I don't do birthdays; I hate for my husband to spend money on me for our anniversary or Valentines Day (besides, the best candy is 50% off candy on February 15th!). And I don't want my kids spending money on me for Mother's Day. I would happily go back to homemade gifts like my kids used to give me when they were little. They truly meant the most.

Mother's Day, my mother's birthday, and my parent's anniversary are all in May, so I really can't help but think of my mom. I sincerely believe that she was the strongest person I have ever known. You always think your mother is the best when you are little. After I grew up, I knew she was.

My mother was a Depression baby in the Smoky Mountains, and was the oldest of ten children. In those days, you definitely grew up early, especially with that many kids. She had to bear the tragedy of one of her brothers dying as a child. Her family home was a working farm with cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and a vegetable garden, so chores were plentiful  My mother learned to sew, crochet, cook, and to can fruits and vegetables early on. But so much of my mother's early years are a mystery to me. As much as I would ask her to tell me about her growing up years, she refused. I may never know what it was that she didn't want to share.

My mother didn't go to college, but she did go to business school. She could take shorthand like a champ and could type quite fast. She moved to Washington, D.C. to work. When Pearl Harbor happened, my mother was inspired to join the Navy. I think all of her brothers served in one branch or another of the military. 

It was in the Navy that my mother met my father. When they transferred to New Orleans, that became their permanent home. My parents were married for 15 years before my mother became pregnant with me. I am sure it was probably something they thought would never happen. But in those days, a woman could not serve in the military while being pregnant, so she was discharged. Not to be egotistical, but I don't think she ever regretted having me!

After leaving the Navy, my mother stayed at home with me. Unfortunately, by the time I was about three, my father (who had also left the Navy and worked as a barber in his own shop) began going blind. My mother was forced to put me in nursery school and go back to work. She was able to get a secretarial job at the Naval Hospital in New Orleans, so she was able to keep working for the Federal Government.

I really don't know how my mother did it all. She worked 40 hours a week, then came home and made supper for the family. She helped me with homework, She changed the beds twice a week. Many mornings, she would cook chicken legs for me to take to school for lunch, and would prepare a thermos of frozen Coke slushie for me. My mother ran the roads on Saturdays, doing our grocery shopping and any other errands. On Sundays, we all went to church. I can remember my mother falling asleep in front of the TV at night. I really didn't understand how tired she had to have been until after I had kids.

In addition to doing almost everything around the house, though my father tried to help out where he could, my mother did so much for me and with me. She took me to dance lessons. She attended every PTA meeting at school. She helped out withe the school carnival. She took me to church youth group, to friends' houses, to the library, bookstore, and mall. That's in addition to everything she did for my father, which became more and more as his health declined. And there was also the countless parade of pets we had - mainly dogs, but also hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, parakeets, a skunk, a rooster, ducks, and two monkeys! Most of the animal caretaking fell on my mother's shoulders. (I also understand that so much better these days!)

My mother was a rock. She was so strong no matter what was going on. She was strength personified. She had a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. (Gee, is that where I got it from?!) She was a loyal friend, and loved her whole big family with all of her heart. She was my friend, but always my mother first. I miss being able to call her to ask a question, or to tell her about something going on with my kids. To sum it up, my mother was truly my hero.  

BEING A PARENT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

When I got married at 33 - something I has started to wonder if it would ever happen - I also wondered if I would be able to become a parent. At 33, I knew that I needed to make it happen - kind of a "now or never" feeling.

I had trouble getting pregnant. My doctor discovered that I was not ovulating. I went on a medication to stimulate ovulation. I also did things like taking my temperature every morning to find out when I was ovulating. This was before those handy dandy ovulation predictor kits. I was actually a month or two away from being put on fertility drugs when I got pregnant. I was almost in shock; I was thrilled; I was scared; I was excited. My husband was thrilled, too. He had a daughter by his first marriage that his ex pretty much kept from him during the first part of her life, so he was looking forward to raising a child with me.

Early in my pregnancy, I started spotting badly, which of course scared me immensely. I was sure that I was losing the baby. After getting little response from my obstetrician and obtaining another one ( a story for another day), I had bloodwork and found that my pregnancy hormone was where it was supposed to be and that the baby was fine. I just had to rest a lot and nor overdo.

Later in my pregnancy, I developed Bell's Palsy. It came on very slightly - I had a weird tingling in my lips like they were swelling. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to a new brand of cereal I had eaten that morning. I happened to have an OB appointment that day and mentioned it, kind of in passing, to my doctor. After looking at my face and then bringing another doctor in - that scared me - she told me she was fairly certain it was Bell's Palsy. I knew nothing about that condition, so I stopped at the library on the way home. (This was pre-Google.) What I read scared me! I was referred to a neurologist who eased me fears somewhat telling me that the condition was most likely caused my the pregnancy and should pass after the baby was born. Meanwhile, half of my face was frozen. One eye watered constantly, and I had to tape it shut at night to sleep. But the doctor was right - the day after my son was born, my face returned to normal.

If I had only known that the pregnancy, with all of its trials and tribulations would be the easy part! I thought things would be easier when he started eating real food...when he stopped wearing diapers...when he started school...when he graduated from high school...when he graduated from college...when he got a job. But as I have always heard, bigger kids bring bigger problems,

After Tyler graduated from college, he got a job near us, so we let him move back in. He wasn't making a lot of money yet, so we wanted him to be able to save up some money so he could eventually get his own place. He had his bedroom, plus the bedroom right across from it, which became known as "the lounge." He had his big screen TV in there along with the computer he built piece-by-piece over a few years. He also had his own bathroom. Not a bad set-up, I would say!

Many of you who know me personally or have read a former blog post know that my son married a Canadian girl and moved to Toronto in 2018. When he was at college less than 100 miles from me and I might go a month without seeing him, I would worry about him. Now he is thousands of miles from me and the worry has multiplied immensely. He and his wife have jumped through hoops, doing everything they need to to prove their marriage is legit, and for him to get a work permit. Over 13 months after his arrival in Canada, he still is not permitted to work. As I have told him, the first year or so of marriage is rough under the best of circumstances, but it sure doesn't help when one half of the couple is not allowed to get a job. Toronto is not a cheap place to live!

If Tyler not being able to work was not enough, his wife developed health issues. Americans have the wrong idea about free healthcare in Canada. You may not have to pay the doctor, but you may have to wait more than a month to see the doctor of your choice. If you go to an urgent care, you may wait for hours. Then comes the prescriptions - some may be free, but others cost a small fortune. In Tyler's and his wife's experience, caring doctors who want to truly find out what is wrong with you are few and far between. My daughter-in-law was forced to go on short-term disability, so their already low income was slashed more.

My husband and I have bee trying to help all we can. Lord knows that my mother helped us through many, many trying times in our lives. I wish we could do more. If I won the lottery, I would be overjoyed to be able to make my children's lives easier. As most parents have, we have sacrificed a lot for our kids. I am not bragging or complaining...just saying.... I would happily do without so much to help my children. I am not talking about spoiling them rotten, but ease their loads a little.

The bottom line is that no matter how old your "children" get, you care, you worry, you stress. In my case at least, I carry a lot of guilt, too. Did I not prepare them well enough? Could I have done more? What can I do now? Where can I find the answers? I can tell you that I pray more and harder than ever in my life....

MY TIPS FOR WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

I have worked a VERY large part of my life. I did the babysitting thing a little - not really my calling. When I was a senior in high school, I started working part-time for a radio station in New Orleans doing music research by telephone. The main weekly survey I would do was to call people who had said they would take the surveys and play parts of current songs down the phone line for them. They would tell me if they liked it, loved it, liked it but were tired of it, or if they did not know the song. And I had to get a certain number of surveys from various demographics. I did this Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. until budget cutbacks kicked in. But this was enough to whet my thirst for a career in radio.

One thing I learned very early, which is something good for all women in the workforce, not just in the media, is to consciously learn to lower your voice. My father actually imparted that on me. He was hard of hearing, so if I spoke in a higher pitch, he would miss a lot of what I said. It makes me crazy when I hear a woman on radio or TV squeak and squeal. I believe that if you set your pitch in one that sounds more professional, you will be taken more seriously. If you have ever watched "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," think about Teresa Guidice. Whenever she gets excited or angry, her voice rises to a glass-shattering pitch. Her voice becomes fingernails on a blackboard. I have tried telling girls wanting to go into radio or TV about this. Men cannot teach a woman how to cultivate her voice.

Let's start with some basic rules. BE PROFESSIONAL AT THE INTERVIEW. I don't care if you are a college student looking for an internship, or if you have worked for decades in a career, don't go in with jeans and flip flops. And yes, I have seen this. The job may not warrant your best dress and high heels, but at least wear nice slacks, shoes and blouse. During the interview, think before speaking. Know something about the company before the interview - look at their website and social media so you can speak intelligently. Ask thoughtful questions about the job, not about vacation days or how long until you get a raise. That shows where your head is at.

Once you are hired, SHOW UP FOR WORK - ON TIME. I had a student worker who had an excuse every other day as to why she couldn't come to work. I was always understanding about time off for exams or school projects, but she was always sick, or lost her driver's license, or locked herself out of her apartment, etc., etc. That, along with her telling me that she didn't want to do what she was hired to do, but she wanted to do other things, caused her to be the only student worker I ever had to fire. Showing up for work is great - showing up on time is even better. Most people do not work in a bubble all alone. Coworkers may need you or the work you are responsible for before they can move on with their jobs. It is extremely frustrating when you cannot complete your work because you are depending on someone else who isn't there or who is late.

Which brings me to DO YOUR JOB. My job very often depended on others doing what they needed to first. If my coworkers decided to spend time on something that was very low on the priority scale while I was under deadline to get something done, my stress level went through the roof. So many people do not have time management skills or know how to prioritize. Classes should be required in these skills. 

DON'T CONSTANTLY USE "FEMALE" EXCUSES. All women have issues to deal with that men do not. Do not make these a constant excuse. If you blame PMS every time you lose your temper or cannot come to work every time you have cramps, see a doctor. This all applies to women going through menopause. I know all of these situations affect each woman differently, but if they affect your life to the point that you cannot do your job, I think you have a medical issue.

TRY NOT TO OVERUSE THE "MOMMY CARD."  I worked throughout my pregnancies and throughout my kids growing up. I know all the trials and tribulations involved. I was lucky enough to be able to work during both my pregnancies right up to the time I gave birth. I know all about sick children, daycare providers who cancel at the last minute, parent-teacher conferences, school field trips, days when the kids are out of school but you have to work, etc. I have dealt with bosses who were not at all understanding. I interviewed for a job in radio that had low pay and no benefits. The woman who owned the station did not accept the excuse of having to miss work to be with your kids for any reason. Yes, she was a working mother - she was also very well off and probably had a full-time nanny! I worked for a brief time for a man who bought the company I was working for. He couldn't understand why I needed to take the day off when my toddler was having a tonsillectomy. Really?! Yes, there are times you cannot help but come in late, leave early, or miss a day to care for your children. Despite what many bosses think, family really is most important. But do try to be considerate about it. Try to give your boss as much notice as possible. If you are at home with a sick child, you may be able to get some work done at home. Try to make other arrangements whenever possible. 

YOU DON"T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR COWORKERS, BUT BE PROFESSIONAL. My daughter used to complain at times about her managers or coworkers at her retail jobs. My husband and I always told her that you don't have to like them, but you do need to treat them professionally. In every job, there will be someone you don't like or don't want to deal with. It is okay not to like him or her. But you still need to interact with this person in a respectful, professional manner. Do what you need to do with them - period.

DON'T THROW OTHERS UNDER THE BUS IN ORDER TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER. I have always been a firm believer in owing up to your mistakes. If I screwed up, I will admit it, apologize for it, and do my best not to let it happen again. But I have known way too many people who refuse to take blame, but will throw the blame on someone else. Many of these people are very sneaky about it, too. It kind of reminds me of things that small children try to get away with. But instead of blaming the dog or baby brother, this culprit would do all he or she can to make you look bad. Don't cast blame. If it belongs on you, fess up. If it doesn't, you don't usually need to be a tattletale. I guess my advice here is to not only own up to your mistakes, but to watch your back also..

SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF. Too many women have issues in their jobs that they will vent to their friends and family about, but will not address with their supervisors. I have definitely been guilty of this. They may feel overworked, under-valued, underpaid. They may want to move up the corporate ladder, but are never considered for promotions. My advice is to always talk to your supervisor - what do you have to lose? I don't mean to run to them every day to tell them how miserable you are. Do let them know that you are interested in moving up - do not base it on how much you dislike your current position, but how effective you feel you would be on the next rung of the ladder. Don't just tell your boss that you have too much to do - try to come up with suggestions t resolve it. Is there a more effective process for getting the work done? Is there someone who could take over part of your duties without overloading that person? Are there some things that really do not even need to be done? Keep the lines of communication open.

I am sure that there are many, many more tips, suggestions, etc., that I will think of later. So be warned that a sequel may be on the way!

I WROTE A NOVEL....

It's been years in the making - literally - but I finally completed my first (hopefully, there will be more!) novel. I have made New Year's resolutions for years to finish it...didn't happen.  My husband threatened to take me to some place secluded so that I could finish it...didn't do it.  When I decided to retire almost two months ago, everyone asked what I planned to do.  "Finishing my novel is at the top of my list," is what I told everyone.  Some people were quite surprised, not even knowing I was writing a novel.  Only my closest friends knew.  And I am not even sure if they had faith that I would in fact complete it.

Upon retiring, did I immediately get to work on the novel?  Nope.  I started cleaning feverishly.  After working full-time forever, I hated spending my whole weekends and days off cleaning the house.  So I started going from room to room and deep cleaning.  I cleaned out cabinets, closets, and the pantry.  I worked with my husband on cleaning out the garage.  I sent photos to my son in Canada asking if this item or that one could be trashed, donated, or put into my garage sale pile.  And there is one thing about cleaning and cleaning out - it gets a lot worse before it gets better.  I would be embarrassed for anyone to see the inside of my house!  Between the bags of clothes that will be donated, to the dining room full of items for my husband's and my side business, to the furniture we are selling on Facebook that is awaiting pickup, plus the miscellaneous dog toys scattered about, my house is a disaster. But I digress.

As I told my daughter, I think one of the reasons I procrastinated was the fear that my novel sucked.  I have written both personally and professionally my whole life.  As a kid, I used to write short stories for the amusement of myself and my best friends. I wrote free verse poetry and have a huge box of it.  It was kind of a therapy for me.  At my various jobs in radio and television, I wrote press releases, news stories, scripts, commercials, and more.  I won the Reader's Choice Award for a short story several years ago from a regional magazine.  I have always felt that I had a talent for writing.  But a novel was out of my comfort zone.  Not only did I need to complete approximately 80,000 words, but those words needed to create a credible story with realistic characters and believable dialogue.  Could I accomplish that?

Well last week, I finished my novel.  After endless tweaking, rewriting, and rereading, I made the call that it was finished.  It was definitely labor.  Was this section believable?  No.  So I rewrote it.  Was this character's name too close to the other character's?  Yes.  So I changed it.  How would I get from this point to that point in a credible way?  I was stuck on that for a couple of days, but had an epiphany in a doctor's office waiting room.  Many a night did I write in my head as I went to sleep.  Many baths and showers were devoted to thinking about the novel.  As I heard another author say about her process, I had to let my characters talk to me.  The novel was born from a paragraph that just popped in my head.  As I got to know the characters, they told me where to go next.  I just wrote it all down.  But was my writing worthy to be shared with the world?

I have read some bad novels.  I have been downloading freebies from BookBub lately.  One cozy mystery (my favorite genre and what my novel is) was awful.  I hated the characters, thought the plot was pretty dumb, and knew who the killer was about halfway through.  I hate not finishing novels, so I read every word.  I kept thinking, "If this person can get a novel published, then I should be able to also!"  But then the thought occurred to me that someone may read my novel and think the same thing!  

At my last job as Promotions Director for a public television station, I was the editor for our monthly program guide.  After working on the guide for weeks, I was too close to it to see any errors.  I would always get a number of people to proof it to look for spelling errors, grammatical errors, or things that just didn't make sense.  When you are too close to a project, it's hard to be objective.  I am definitely not objective, but I am unsure.

I have told people in creative endeavors, whether it was someone wanting to work on-air in radio, someone who wanted to be a writer of some sort, or someone pursuing a talent such as singing, that they need to have a thick skin.  People will always have opinions about your work, both pro and con.  When you get compliments, savor them.  When you get criticisms, you have to differentiate whether it is constructive criticism or just pure negativity.  Especially now in the age of social media, we all know trolls who love to spew mean comments about everyone and everything just for the sake of being cruel.  When you are in the public eye, you need to sort it all out.  With constructive criticism, one should consider the merits.  It doesn't mean that you have to make changes, but you should listen and decide for yourself if this direction is the right one for you.  As for the negative comments, just let them roll off.  You can't let criticism just for the sake of criticizing get to you.  I try to live by what I preach.  If someone has a suggestion that is valid, I am definitely open to it.  I may use it or reject it, but it's an informed decision.  If it's just a cruel remark, who cares?  Let it go.

As I have said, I don't know yet if my novel is good or not, if it can be improved, or if it needs a total overhaul.  Right now, it is in the hands of two people who have promised me blatant honesty.  And I have promised that I will not get angry about any criticisms they have.  And I won't because I am very grateful that they are doing this for me.  I don't know how long the revision process will take or exactly where I go from there, but luckily, I have a New York Times bestselling author - who is also one of my favorites - in my corner who will give me advice.  So if the time comes that my novel gets published, I will kick into marketing high gear, and you will hear LOTS more about it!  But meanwhile, I accomplished something I always wanted to - I WROTE A NOVEL!!!

TEXTBOOKS - AS IF STUDENT LOANS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH

Don't get me started on student loans!  When I went to college back in the Stone Age, college tuition was cheap.  Even though I went to a private college, it did not break the bank for my parents and I had no student loans.  (And I didn't have any grants or scholarships.)  It is i ridiculous to me that my children, who I basically gave no alternative but to go to college, will be paying off the loans for years.  Yes, I will be happy when my second child has that piece of paper like my first does.  No, I am angry that they will both have a mountain of debt to pay off.

To add insult to injury, on top of tuition, housing, meal plans, and fee after fee after fee, there are the dreaded textbooks.  I have been racking my brain, trying to remember the bookstore at my college.  I know I bought textbooks, but that is all I can remember.  I should do not remember each one costing more than a car note!

Just about every class requires a textbook, some more than one.  Some require an additional workbook, or other required reading, or even worse - the dreaded online code!  If you see a code mentioned, prepare for at least $100 for that!  It's rare, yet wonderful, when your student can use the same textbook for two semesters, which is sometimes the case with a foreign language.  But even then, you probably won't get away without purchasing another workbook and/or a code.  I like to compare the college textbook industry to big pharm - you know you are paring WAY more that the true value!

If you buy your textbooks, at the end of the semester, don't expect to resell it to the bookstore and get much for it.  It's worse that a used car trade-in at the dealership!  If you decide to keep the textbook and try to sell it online (most colleges have Facebook pages devoted to reselling textbooks), you risk the likelihood that the class is now using a newer edition of the book.  Yep, that happens quite often.  What's the big difference between the 3rd edition and the 4th?  I don't think anyone knows.

When my son started college, my husband and I were ignorant.  He got the list of books he needed and he and my husband headed to the bookstore and bought them all.  Of course, the bill was $600 or more, and that didn't include notebooks, pens, scantrons, etc.  After shaking my head, whining, and complaining about this, the mother of his roommate let me in on something I knew nothing about - you can sometimes get your textbooks elsewhere!  I didn't have a clue!  First, there was a store in town that rented and sold textbooks to several area colleges at a lesser price.  Then I discovered the vast number of online sources where textbooks could be located - Amazon, Chegg, Alibris, etc., etc.  I became a whiz at taking ISBN numbers and Googling the heck out of them, making notes on who had which and for what price.

I was so happy to see that most colleges are making textbook rentals more accessible.  And at least one university in my state has a cap on textbook prices for each class.  The thought of paying no more than $75 per class is very appealing compared to the reality on most campuses.

Most of the online textbook services who rent books make it easy on you.  They supply the return label so you don't have to pay shipping.  But there are also things to be aware of.  My daughter has now learned to take a photo of the rental book when it arrives.  When Amazon attempted to charge her full price for a book she didn't even open, saying it had water damage, I was determined to do battle to get her money back.  In the end, Amazon not only credited back the price of the book, but shipped the book back to her to keep (not that she wanted it!). Also, be sure to get the book back on time!  Amazon emails reminders, but not all of the others do.  Also, be sure to keep a log as to where you rented each book from.

Next lesson: Never purchase a book before going to the class the first time.  I know, you saw in the syllabus that it was required.  And someone told you that you had better snatch one up before they are all gone,  Don't do it!  You can do your research beforehand, just in case.  There will be times when you get to class and the professor says not to bother purchasing the book because you really don't need it.  And guess what?  If you buy or rent the book and find you don't need it, you won't get a refund.  You just eat it.

So the theme for today is the textbooks are another expensive necessary evil.  Do your homework, not just in class, but in getting ready for class.  Shop well; shop wisely.  And speaking as a mother, actually crack open that textbook, and not just the night before the exam!

I AM THE SQUEAKY WHEEL

I am not going to say that it always gets the grease.  Sometimes it just annoys others intensely!  But you never know until you squeak!

I remember as a kid that my mother would many times question charges on her credit card or on various bills.  That was pre-online banking days, so she had to actually call or write letters or go in person to get to the bottom of a situation.  I learned from her to always scrutinize each bill, each explanation of benefits, each bank statement, each charge, to make sure that everything was in order.

One of my biggest complaints is the explanation of benefits from medical insurance companies.  I have always said that if I ran for office, the EOB would be at the root of my platform!  I have a college degree and I sometimes have trouble making heads or tails out of them!  Who truly understands all of the codes on those things?!

I spent over a year battling one company.  The insurance company was not covering a test I had done. They would refer me to the doctor's office because it could be a coding issue.  The doctor's office would in turn tell me it was coded correctly and that I needed to go to the facility where the test was done.  That facility told me no, that I needed to talk to the insurance company.  I felt like I was just beating my head against the wall!  But I can be like a dog with a bone - I don't give up that easily!  I finally got the billing person at the doctor's office to talk to the insurance company.  Lo and behold - it was covered and resolved.  But that made me think  - how many people would have looked at that EOB, said, "Darn! That test wasn't covered," and would have paid the ridiculously high amount.  I figure that millions, if not billions, of dollars are needlessly spent every year because people don't have the tools they need to understand these things or fight them.  And I am currently in a battle with an insurance company that has been going on for a year and a half!  I totally believe I am in the right, so it is in its third appeal.

One thing that is easy to keep tabs on - your bank account online.  My husband caught a suspicious $1.00 charge and called the bank immediately.  He was told that hackers will test the waters with a tiny charge.  If it goes undetected, they will go back in for a bigger hit.  Question any charge you see that you do not remember making.

With websites, email, and Facebook, it is easier to pursue issues with companies.  My daughter rented a textbook from Amazon, which she has done before.  (The racket of textbook costs might be another part of my political platform!  That will be a future blog entry!)  She was unhappy that she had spent the money because she wound up not even needing the book for her class. She asked me if I would sent the book back at the end of the semester, so I did.  She called me, angry and in tears, because Amazon hit her with the full charge to buy the textbook, saying that it was water-damaged.  I knew that wasn't true!  So I went to Amazon.com and spent quite a while going from page to page to figure out how to contact them.  Hallelujah - I found an online chat.  I explained the entire situation to the customer service rep, and once he understood the situation, he said Amazon would credit the amount back to her.  I feel that I received such good service is that I explained in detail...I did not get angry...I remained calm and patient...and I am a customer in good standing who rarely has a complaint.

The online chat can be a wonderful thing!  Last week, I had ordered three craft products from Walmart's website.  It was an online purchase only and had to be shipped to me.  The box that arrived looked like it had been run over by the truck that delivered it!  The top was partially open and there was a big gash in the side of the box.  When I opened it, two of the products that were bubble wrapped together were in perfect condition.  But the third one, which was bubble-wrapped by itself, was crushed.  As I opened it, pieces started falling out, and the top part of the piece was smashed in.  It was not an expensive item.  Again, I wondered how many people would just say, "Oh well," and go on with their day.  I searched Walmart's website and was caught in a vicious loop.  I couldn't return it to the store.  Since it came from a third party seller, I was having difficulty getting an answer as to what to do.  I finally found the online chat box.  Eureka!  The customer service rep was very polite and compassionate.  Within a couple of minutes, he had arranged for a new item to be shipped to me.  I did not have to return the damaged one or even send pictures to prove the condition.

The bottom line is to be vigilant and be proactive. Don't ever just assume that a charge is correct - if you are unsure, ask!  If it is a legitimate expense, at least you have your answer.  You won't have lost anything but a little time.  If you find out that there was a coding error or it was an incorrect charge, you may achieve the satisfaction of not only being right, but profiting financially, or at least being made whole.  As they said on Galaxy Quest, "Never give up - never surrender."

Also remember that being a squeaky wheel does not mean being a complaining nag....