Anyway, for her birthday, she was off at college, and I wouldn't be able to see her until several days after. So I wrote her a letter that I emailed her, and I thought I would share it here.
To my
dearest daughter on her 21st birthday,
It is hard for me to believe that
you are 21 today! In some ways it does seem 21 years, but in others, it feels
like you should still be a little girl. After all, you will always be my little
girl…my baby.
When you have kids, people always
tell you that your kids will be grown in the blink of an eye. And you laugh and
say, “Sure, sure!” All you can see are the bottles and diapers and vaccinations
and being totally responsible for the health and welfare of your little ones.
And as old as you or I get, I still feel like I am pretending to know what I am
doing as a parent. (Shhh! Don’t tell anyone!) But even though you feel that it
will take forever for your kids to be grown, it truly does go by so very fast.
Yes, there were times that seemed
like they took a long time to get through…like getting to the bottom of your
health issues. I felt at times that I was letting doctors torture you, but I so
wanted to find out what it would take to get you healthy and keep you that way.
And there were all the struggles we had over schoolwork until we found out that
we had ADD to contend with. For the record, I never thought you were stupid!
We have been through so many ups and
downs together. Sometimes being in Girl Scouts aggravated you, but I think you
learned a lot and had some good times, too. I will always have fond memories of
Camp Marydale, the horses, and the barn cats.
I remember the anxiety you had over
doing a presentation in front of your class. And I will give cosplay credit for
helping you conquer that fear.
I remember unrequited love, your
first boyfriend, boys who were not always the nicest, and boys you have kicked
to the curb.
I remember friends who have been
there for you and had your back. And I remember ones who did you wrong. They
found out what it’s like for you to be done with them. You got the ability to
hold a grudge from me and my father. I think I have gotten a little better.
Never be a doormat, but sometimes you need to let go and move on for your own
sake.
I remember the grand
accomplishments. You wanted to make Colorguard at DTHS so badly. I will never
forget the roller coaster of that week of learning the routines. One day you
would be happy, feeling you were getting it down. The next day, you would be
heartbroken, believing you would never make the team. I can still feel the day
of tryouts – I was probably just as nervous as you. And I found out before you
that you had made the team. Like the cruel person I can be, I gave you the
impression that you had not made it before I let you see that you had. I still
feel kind of bad about that.
I was nervous at every one of your
tryouts. I was just as anxious as you were to see the list posted on the band
room door. I remember your fear of not making the varsity team – you did. I
remember your fear of not becoming a captain – you did. And then I could relax
for a bit, not having to suffer the anxiousness with you.
I remember your tryouts for UL’s
Colorguard. It was a grueling day, but you made that, too. Your father and I
had such good times going to the games just to see you. We enjoyed the parades
into the stadium – I couldn’t wait until I spotted you and made sure that you
saw that we were there.
I remember the disappointment when
you did not make the first Independent Winterguard you tried out for. It was
their loss – and I think you know that now. You were better off not getting
involved in that drama. The same hold true for the sorority. You know now that
is was a fate best avoided.
I was there for you during the drama
of your first roommate. I was very pleased that the two of you were able to
mend your fences and that you can still call each other friends.
I see how much you care about some
people – and lots of animals. I see how hard you work. I know that life and
school can be very trying and stressful, but you will survive it and be better
for it.
I see every day what a strong,
amazing, beautiful young woman you are, inside and out. You are smart,
creative, witty, and funny – even if you share my warped sense of humor and
sarcasm.
I look forward to seeing you through
the next steps in your life. I know that graduation from college seems ages
away, but it will be here in that blink of an eye.
I guess what I am trying to say is
that I love you with everything I am. I am so blessed to have the baby girl I
wanted so much. I am proud to be your mother and to also have your friendship
now that you’re a “big girl.”
You and your brother will always be
my heart. I love you so very much.
Welcome to adulthood, Pookie!
Happy birthday, my sweet Jess!
All my
love,
Your Mom
Yes, this letter made her cry... And yes, I was glad....
Yes, this letter made her cry... And yes, I was glad....
