THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS

Well, not really those leftovers.... Thoughts that still remain in my head about Thanksgiving - that kind of leftovers.

I always loved Thanksgiving! It was especially awesome when I was a kid because my mother did all of the cooking - and she was an excellent cook. When I would drag out of bed, she would have the meal underway - and the house smelled wonderful. She would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade as she filled the turkey with her delicious cornbread stuffing - one of my absolute favorite things on that day! We would have sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie with whipped topping - a wonderful meal. And when I got older, I got to bring leftovers home with me!

After my husband and I got married, we were treated to two Thanksgiving dinners. We would have lunch at my mother's house. Then at dinnertime, we would drive about 10 minutes away to eat again at my mother-in-law's house. I fell in love with my mother-in-law's sweet potato casserole, which has been a part of my Thanksgiving Day ever since.

We did stay home for our second Thanksgiving after we got married. That was because we had a newborn baby. Our son was due on Thanksgiving Eve, but came eight days early via C-section. I was still healing and getting used to being a new mother, so my husband stepped up and smoked a turkey for us. And my baby boy liked waking up and staying up from about 1:30 to 5:30 a.m., so I was up with him, watching a lot of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" in the middle of the night.

My mother-in-law passed away...my mother went into a nursing home...my mother passed away.... Life changes...holidays change.

We started having Thanksgiving dinner at home. My husband and I would get up early and inject the turkey and get it in the oven. I am not sure why, but it somehow organically became a tradition that I would name the turkey each year. For no apparent reason, the turkey is always male, and the name is one that just pops into my head. Naming the bird has never interfered with anyone being able to eat it. Dessert eventually became pecan pies - I got the recipe from a friend, and they are foolproof! 

For a couple of years, my brother-in-law, his daughters, and his then-wife would come to our house for Turkey Day dinner. They were always late because they would realize they forgot the dish they were bringing and would head home to get it. I was great to have more family members to enjoy the day with. All of the cooking was a lot of work, but it was worth it when everyone was gathered here. After they were divorced, my brother-in-law and one of his daughters joined us for dinner. We live about an hour away from them, so I am sure it's easier for him to go to his sister's house just a few minutes away.

My son's girlfriend and then my daughter's boyfriend became a part of the day. The more the merrier in my book. It's one of the few days in the year that we actually enjoy having guests over. The menu would vary slightly. The kids - especially my daughter - love mac and cheese. My mother always had that for them with any meal. So I would try various recipes, not wanting to do the box version. My husband likes green bean casserole, but he was the only one, so it became just green beans. I never stuffed my turkey, but would make a cornbread sausage dressing. We always had the sweet potato casserole, and hot buttered rolls. My son's ex-girlfriend liked pumpkin pie, so I would bake one of those along with the pecan pie, and she and I would eat the pumpkin pie, And we started having dirty rice, peas - only the tiny ones for my husband! - and gravy. It's no wonder that my back was always killing my by that night!

Three Thanksgivings ago, things started changing drastically. As many of you know, that was the day my son decided to marry his girlfriend in a civil ceremony in Canada. And I found out in a roundabout way through my daughter and social media. Hurt and confused doesn't begin to describe it. The next Thanksgiving, Tyler and his wife were living in Canada, so once again, it was my husband, my daughter, her boyfriend, and me. And again, I missed having both of my kids at home.

This year, my daughter added a second job - a seasonal one at Target - so she had to work Thanksgiving night and at both jobs on Black Friday. Since she lives an hour and a half away, she and her boyfriend weren't able to come home. So for the third year in a row, I was missing a kid. I was glad to have my son back home, but didn't want to do a ton of cooking for three people. We had turkey - my husband and I each got a free one when we got our flu shots! - plus green beans, baby peas, brown rice, gravy, sweet potato casserole, hot rolls, and store bought pecan pie. I called it "Thanksgiving Light." We had plenty to eat. We had plenty of leftovers for turkey sandwiches and gumbo. But I didn't have the backache from slaving over the stove all day.

Maybe because I was an only child, I have always dreamed of being a part of a big Thanksgiving dinner. I love seeing all the posts on Facebook with various family members each making various dishes and then coming together to enjoy the feast. I love the idea of the adults chatting and laughing while the kids run around and play. I love the thought of everyone ooing and ahhing over the different foods and everyone eating until they are stuffed - but they are all ready for dessert when it's served. It all seems so special. Maybe one day....

Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful for my husband, my kids, my home, and having food on the table. I do not take any of that for granted. I thank God for my husband and kids every day. Yes, I am blessed and give thanks!

Coming up later this year: Our Belated Christmas! 

JUST BECAUSE IT'S AN ANNIVERSARY DOESN'T MEAN IT'S A HAPPY DAY

An anniversary is defined as the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event. It's usually used for happy occasions. I know a number of people - including myself - who don't like to use the word anniversary when it's used in connection with something horrible such as Hurricane Katrina or 9/11. 

Some of us use the work anniversary to mark the date of the death of someone we loved. I am not fond of that either. I am more inclined to say that it was nine years ago on this date that my mother or father died. 

Two years ago today, I found out that my son got married on his second day in Canada while visiting his long distance, mostly online and by telephone, girlfriend. She had visited him here for a few days before that. So all in all, they had known each other face-to-face for about four days.

I wrote a whole blog entry about this marriage. But the date on the calendar reminds me of the pain I felt. It was Thanksgiving Day here. My daughter and her boyfriend were here for the day, and I was already a little sad that my first born was not here. It was the first time that both of my kids weren't here with us on Thanksgiving. Late that afternoon, my daughter brought me her phone with a photo my son had posted on social media showing his and his girlfriend's hands and what appeared to be wedding bands. She said, "Mom! I think Tyler got married!" Nah...couldn't be true. It must be a joke. But later in the day, Jess found out that it was true - the two of them had a civil ceremony in Toronto. My son did not call her, text me, or IM me or his father before or after. I was hurt to my very core. When I get extremely hurt or angry, I shut down. I could not speak to Tyler in any form the rest of his time in Canada. I had a hard time speaking to him a while after he got home, especially since he had such a cavalier attitude about what he had done.

Fast forward a few months. Tyler and his wife drove from Louisiana to Toronto where there were going to live together in a small basement apartment. They had not done a lot of research about what it took to become a Canadian resident or to get a work permit. They had in their heads that it would take a few months - HA! But everything was great...at first. You know how that honeymoon phase is. His wife had a job and worked about eight blocks from their apartment, so Tyler would walk her to work and then go home to do laundry or clean up. Many times, he would meet her for her lunch break. He would meet her to walk her home from work.

Not only were they experiencing wedded bliss, but they spent money like there was no tomorrow. They bought furniture that they probably didn't need. They had food and groceries delivered. She made a decent salary, but not enough to support two spenders in an expensive city like Toronto. 

It wasn't long before the gold began to tarnish. They started to argue all of the time. It wasn't just about money - it was everything. They found out quickly that they didn't have the money to do anything. I tried emailing him free things to do in Toronto to get them out of the apartment sometimes. I sent him many possible work from home jobs. I spent countless hours on the phone with Ty talking to him about communication.and respect. Meanwhile, the months dragged out without getting any nearer to a work permit for him.

Tyler's wife had some medical problems. If you have ever - like me - thought that the healthcare system in Canada was superior to ours in the U.S., think again! Try waiting for a month or two to see a specialist. Try having a doctor who doesn't really care if what you have is diagnosed or not. Try prescriptions that are not covered and are extremely expensive. I was proud that Ty was doing all he could to help his wife - go with her to appointments, research her symptoms, go to the drug store for her, wait on her hand and foot. But it was never enough in her eyes.

Their relationship didn't just explode - it was like the fireball version of a snowball...the faster it got, the bigger, hotter, and more ugly it got.Tyler truly wanted to make his marriage work. He agreed to go to counselling. He worked on his anger issues and communication skills. He took my advice and lowered his voice, plus tried to lose the swear words. But sometimes - especially when you are the only one trying - a broken relationship can't be fixed.

Tyler's exodus from Canada is a long, ugly story. Maybe one day, I can find the words to write it down. Let's just say that this is not a happy occasion...we will not celebrate this date...and Roy is the only one to whom I have mentioned what date today is.

May all of your anniversaries be happy ones.

BACK TO SCHOOL PTSD

My kids are older now - one graduated from college two years ago and the other is getting ready to graduate from college in December - but when it's about time for the school year to start, I get extremely anxious. During the summers, I would dread getting that letter in the mail with the school supplies each child would need, along with the summer required reading list. I would spend the entire summer nagging the kids to get their reading done. If it was done at all, it wouldn't be until the last minute! When we found out that my daughter was classic ADD, we found she could absorb better if I read the books to her...so that helped. (Even in college, audio books help her quite a bit.)

Along with the required reading list was the dreaded school supply list. I am sure there were some parents who would head to the store immediately to get the required plastic red folders with two pockets and purple college-ruled notebooks. Some of us - meaning me - would put it off as long as possible and then go insane trying to find all of the items listed. If you misplaced your list, never fear - Walmart had copies as you walked in the door. I was sure they were mocking me every time I walked past them.

My biggest annoyance with the lists were when required brands of items were listed. Was the school getting a kickback from Crayola for all those crayons and markers? Were Fiskar scissors better or safer? Sorry schools, but my kids sometimes brought the cheaper stuff - though I never received a single complaint!

Walmart, Target, Kmart, etc., had prominent displays of school uniforms. My kids hated wearing uniforms in the first place, and since they had most likely outgrown last year's uniforms, were not happy about trying on new ones. At least my daughter could occasionally wear polo shirts my son had outgrown. Plus, they would need new shoes and new backpacks. It was rare that a backpack even made it through ONE school year! And don't get me started on the socks! My daughter got written up because she was wearing socks that didn't show.

As the title of the post says, I suffer from Back to School PTSD. It's a thing! When I go into Walmart to buy groceries and then get hit in the face with school supply lists, rows of supplies and backpacks, racks of uniforms, and other items such as small refrigerators for dorm rooms, my heart starts racing and I begin to hyperventilate! If I happen to see the tri-fold boards for science fair projects, I want to run out of there screaming! When I become queen, science fair projects will be outlawed!

Don't get me wrong - I liked the schools my kids went to. I believe they each got a good education. I respected (most of) my kids' teachers. I know how hard teachers work and that they wind up buying a lot of supplies out of their own pockets. I appreciate the school supply and uniform drives held in our community. But it doesn't calm my nerves when back to school time rolls around.

Are there support groups for this condition?

MARKETING MUST BE IN MY BLOOD...OR AT LEAST MY BRAIN

A lot of my professional career has revolved around promotion and/or marketing. When I was in radio, I was marketing and promoting myself. In television, I was promoting the station and our programming. I love to find ways to partner with other organizations and produce the perfect win-win situation.

I knew that marketing had seeped into my being when I had a marketing dream a few nights ago. I used to have those dreams where I showed up for a class only to find out there was a test I was not prepared for. I have dreamed that I was in a radio news booth with the microphone going live only to realize that I had no news, and I was grabbing any scrap of paper in an attempt to find something to read. But this marketing dream was a first.

I dreamed that the owner of the daycare center where my kids went many years ago was asking me how she could get more families to use her center. I was going through various options that cost nothing to get awareness of her center out to the public. The irony is that in real life, her center always has a waiting list because it's so well-respected.

I love seeing businesses that are proactive, getting involved on local Facebook pages. For example, if someone is looking for a new plumber, it's nice to see a plumber promote his business and any specials that he may be offering. If someone has a complaint about a local grocery store, it's nice to see a representative from the store get involved in the conversation and try to make things right.

I am constantly wishing I could step in and assist various businesses with their marketing. It is so rewarding to me to see a little effort results in a boost in sales, ratings, or whatever the goal is. So many times, I see simple ways that businesses can be more proactive. My daughter works for a store that sells hair and skin products solely to licensed professionals. The store was gearing up for a huge sale and she asked if I had any ideas for getting the word out to the right people. They had made flyers that they were putting in the bags when customers made purchases. I asked her if they were sending an e-blast to their customers. She said that they didn't have their customers email addresses, and these were not people who used email a lot. I took issue with both statements. Even at a public television station, we gathered the email addresses of everyone we interacted with in order to keep them up on events, programs, etc. An email database makes so much sense to me, and it takes so little time and effort to get a blast out about the big sale. If only a few people are lured in the store by the blast, it's worth it since it cost nothing to do. And every hairdresser I know checks their emails....

I hope to one day use my marketing skills "when" my novel is published - I have countless ideas about getting the word out about my creation. And none of those ways cost a penny! (I am a huge fan of earned media!)

I am working on setting up a podcast right now that I will host with my faithful, though goofy, sidekick - my husband - at my side. If my producer son gets everything ready for me this week, we will record our first episode. And yes, I will be marketing it, as well as cross-promoting it with my blog. So stay tuned!

THE LIFELONG BATTLE OF FACING REJECTION

Rejection is something we all have to deal with our entire lives. When you are little, it stings to be the last picked for a team. It hurts when someone decides they don't want to be your friend anywhere. It is painful to not get the part you want in the school play.

In your teens, you learn the pain of being rejected by a love interest. I felt the heartache my daughter went through with unrequited love. It isn't pleasant to find out that the college you really want to go to isn't interested in you. You get acquainted with being rejected for jobs you apply for (which still happens at my advanced age). 

No matter what stage of your life you are in, rejection is always lurking. As a new mother, I dealt with rejection when my newborn son, who had been jaundiced, rejected me when I tried to breastfeed. As my children got older, I sometimes felt a little rejection when they wanted to be with their friends instead of me. (And there were times I was relieved!) 

When I was fired from a job in radio, I thought my name and talent would have other stations clamoring to hire me. My ego was rather bruised when that was not the case. In another job, I was irritated to see other employees who didn't work nearly as hard get raises, praises, and promotions. 

I have lived by advice I have given to others who pursue any creative endeavors. If you put yourself out there, whether it is through acting, singing, writing, in front of the camera or the microphone - whatever your creative pursuit might be - you have to develop a tough skin. Especially in this time of social media, your talent may be touted, but it will also be criticized. My rule is that constructive criticism should be considered. Now I am not saying that it must be followed, but it should be considered. Sometimes. constructive criticism can make whatever it is that you are doing better or stronger. And sometimes, it may not be something you choose to apply. Just consider it. If the criticism comes from someone who simply wants to insult you or tear you down, simply ignore it. I realize that might be easier said than done, but strive to rise above.

I have tried to live by what I preach. In doing voiceover work, the producer calls the shots. If my delivery wasn't want the producer wanted, they could tell me what they had in mind, and I would do it as many times as it took to achieve their vision. 

All that being said, now that I have completed writing my first novel and have submitted it to MANY agents, rejection has gotten a wee bit harder to swallow. Many rejections are simply form letters - unfortunately your project is not a good fit for me at this time. Some rejections have been almost pleasant, throwing in words like "interesting" or mentioning the name of the main character so that I can be assured my proposal was actually pondered. Unfortunately, some rejections come off as cruel: "Unfortunately, I'm afraid I wasn’t captivated enough to ask to see more material." Yes, that hurt my feelings. 

The point is that rejection will always exist in one form or another in everyone's lives. The trick is to not let it keep you down or cripple you. There have been times I have wanted to just give up. But I hold on to the thoughts that: a) I actually finished writing a novel. b) There are other agents and options in the world. c) I will put on my big girl panties and deal with it.
Rejection may be beating out acceptance right now, but the game is not over!

A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER

Mother's Day is always a little rough after your mother has died. And it can be even rougher when your kids aren't able to be with you. I am definitely not a big holiday person - not much on any holiday. I don't do birthdays; I hate for my husband to spend money on me for our anniversary or Valentines Day (besides, the best candy is 50% off candy on February 15th!). And I don't want my kids spending money on me for Mother's Day. I would happily go back to homemade gifts like my kids used to give me when they were little. They truly meant the most.

Mother's Day, my mother's birthday, and my parent's anniversary are all in May, so I really can't help but think of my mom. I sincerely believe that she was the strongest person I have ever known. You always think your mother is the best when you are little. After I grew up, I knew she was.

My mother was a Depression baby in the Smoky Mountains, and was the oldest of ten children. In those days, you definitely grew up early, especially with that many kids. She had to bear the tragedy of one of her brothers dying as a child. Her family home was a working farm with cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and a vegetable garden, so chores were plentiful  My mother learned to sew, crochet, cook, and to can fruits and vegetables early on. But so much of my mother's early years are a mystery to me. As much as I would ask her to tell me about her growing up years, she refused. I may never know what it was that she didn't want to share.

My mother didn't go to college, but she did go to business school. She could take shorthand like a champ and could type quite fast. She moved to Washington, D.C. to work. When Pearl Harbor happened, my mother was inspired to join the Navy. I think all of her brothers served in one branch or another of the military. 

It was in the Navy that my mother met my father. When they transferred to New Orleans, that became their permanent home. My parents were married for 15 years before my mother became pregnant with me. I am sure it was probably something they thought would never happen. But in those days, a woman could not serve in the military while being pregnant, so she was discharged. Not to be egotistical, but I don't think she ever regretted having me!

After leaving the Navy, my mother stayed at home with me. Unfortunately, by the time I was about three, my father (who had also left the Navy and worked as a barber in his own shop) began going blind. My mother was forced to put me in nursery school and go back to work. She was able to get a secretarial job at the Naval Hospital in New Orleans, so she was able to keep working for the Federal Government.

I really don't know how my mother did it all. She worked 40 hours a week, then came home and made supper for the family. She helped me with homework, She changed the beds twice a week. Many mornings, she would cook chicken legs for me to take to school for lunch, and would prepare a thermos of frozen Coke slushie for me. My mother ran the roads on Saturdays, doing our grocery shopping and any other errands. On Sundays, we all went to church. I can remember my mother falling asleep in front of the TV at night. I really didn't understand how tired she had to have been until after I had kids.

In addition to doing almost everything around the house, though my father tried to help out where he could, my mother did so much for me and with me. She took me to dance lessons. She attended every PTA meeting at school. She helped out withe the school carnival. She took me to church youth group, to friends' houses, to the library, bookstore, and mall. That's in addition to everything she did for my father, which became more and more as his health declined. And there was also the countless parade of pets we had - mainly dogs, but also hamsters, guinea pigs, gerbils, parakeets, a skunk, a rooster, ducks, and two monkeys! Most of the animal caretaking fell on my mother's shoulders. (I also understand that so much better these days!)

My mother was a rock. She was so strong no matter what was going on. She was strength personified. She had a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. (Gee, is that where I got it from?!) She was a loyal friend, and loved her whole big family with all of her heart. She was my friend, but always my mother first. I miss being able to call her to ask a question, or to tell her about something going on with my kids. To sum it up, my mother was truly my hero.  

BEING A PARENT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

When I got married at 33 - something I has started to wonder if it would ever happen - I also wondered if I would be able to become a parent. At 33, I knew that I needed to make it happen - kind of a "now or never" feeling.

I had trouble getting pregnant. My doctor discovered that I was not ovulating. I went on a medication to stimulate ovulation. I also did things like taking my temperature every morning to find out when I was ovulating. This was before those handy dandy ovulation predictor kits. I was actually a month or two away from being put on fertility drugs when I got pregnant. I was almost in shock; I was thrilled; I was scared; I was excited. My husband was thrilled, too. He had a daughter by his first marriage that his ex pretty much kept from him during the first part of her life, so he was looking forward to raising a child with me.

Early in my pregnancy, I started spotting badly, which of course scared me immensely. I was sure that I was losing the baby. After getting little response from my obstetrician and obtaining another one ( a story for another day), I had bloodwork and found that my pregnancy hormone was where it was supposed to be and that the baby was fine. I just had to rest a lot and nor overdo.

Later in my pregnancy, I developed Bell's Palsy. It came on very slightly - I had a weird tingling in my lips like they were swelling. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to a new brand of cereal I had eaten that morning. I happened to have an OB appointment that day and mentioned it, kind of in passing, to my doctor. After looking at my face and then bringing another doctor in - that scared me - she told me she was fairly certain it was Bell's Palsy. I knew nothing about that condition, so I stopped at the library on the way home. (This was pre-Google.) What I read scared me! I was referred to a neurologist who eased me fears somewhat telling me that the condition was most likely caused my the pregnancy and should pass after the baby was born. Meanwhile, half of my face was frozen. One eye watered constantly, and I had to tape it shut at night to sleep. But the doctor was right - the day after my son was born, my face returned to normal.

If I had only known that the pregnancy, with all of its trials and tribulations would be the easy part! I thought things would be easier when he started eating real food...when he stopped wearing diapers...when he started school...when he graduated from high school...when he graduated from college...when he got a job. But as I have always heard, bigger kids bring bigger problems,

After Tyler graduated from college, he got a job near us, so we let him move back in. He wasn't making a lot of money yet, so we wanted him to be able to save up some money so he could eventually get his own place. He had his bedroom, plus the bedroom right across from it, which became known as "the lounge." He had his big screen TV in there along with the computer he built piece-by-piece over a few years. He also had his own bathroom. Not a bad set-up, I would say!

Many of you who know me personally or have read a former blog post know that my son married a Canadian girl and moved to Toronto in 2018. When he was at college less than 100 miles from me and I might go a month without seeing him, I would worry about him. Now he is thousands of miles from me and the worry has multiplied immensely. He and his wife have jumped through hoops, doing everything they need to to prove their marriage is legit, and for him to get a work permit. Over 13 months after his arrival in Canada, he still is not permitted to work. As I have told him, the first year or so of marriage is rough under the best of circumstances, but it sure doesn't help when one half of the couple is not allowed to get a job. Toronto is not a cheap place to live!

If Tyler not being able to work was not enough, his wife developed health issues. Americans have the wrong idea about free healthcare in Canada. You may not have to pay the doctor, but you may have to wait more than a month to see the doctor of your choice. If you go to an urgent care, you may wait for hours. Then comes the prescriptions - some may be free, but others cost a small fortune. In Tyler's and his wife's experience, caring doctors who want to truly find out what is wrong with you are few and far between. My daughter-in-law was forced to go on short-term disability, so their already low income was slashed more.

My husband and I have bee trying to help all we can. Lord knows that my mother helped us through many, many trying times in our lives. I wish we could do more. If I won the lottery, I would be overjoyed to be able to make my children's lives easier. As most parents have, we have sacrificed a lot for our kids. I am not bragging or complaining...just saying.... I would happily do without so much to help my children. I am not talking about spoiling them rotten, but ease their loads a little.

The bottom line is that no matter how old your "children" get, you care, you worry, you stress. In my case at least, I carry a lot of guilt, too. Did I not prepare them well enough? Could I have done more? What can I do now? Where can I find the answers? I can tell you that I pray more and harder than ever in my life....

MY TIPS FOR WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

I have worked a VERY large part of my life. I did the babysitting thing a little - not really my calling. When I was a senior in high school, I started working part-time for a radio station in New Orleans doing music research by telephone. The main weekly survey I would do was to call people who had said they would take the surveys and play parts of current songs down the phone line for them. They would tell me if they liked it, loved it, liked it but were tired of it, or if they did not know the song. And I had to get a certain number of surveys from various demographics. I did this Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to 9 p.m. until budget cutbacks kicked in. But this was enough to whet my thirst for a career in radio.

One thing I learned very early, which is something good for all women in the workforce, not just in the media, is to consciously learn to lower your voice. My father actually imparted that on me. He was hard of hearing, so if I spoke in a higher pitch, he would miss a lot of what I said. It makes me crazy when I hear a woman on radio or TV squeak and squeal. I believe that if you set your pitch in one that sounds more professional, you will be taken more seriously. If you have ever watched "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," think about Teresa Guidice. Whenever she gets excited or angry, her voice rises to a glass-shattering pitch. Her voice becomes fingernails on a blackboard. I have tried telling girls wanting to go into radio or TV about this. Men cannot teach a woman how to cultivate her voice.

Let's start with some basic rules. BE PROFESSIONAL AT THE INTERVIEW. I don't care if you are a college student looking for an internship, or if you have worked for decades in a career, don't go in with jeans and flip flops. And yes, I have seen this. The job may not warrant your best dress and high heels, but at least wear nice slacks, shoes and blouse. During the interview, think before speaking. Know something about the company before the interview - look at their website and social media so you can speak intelligently. Ask thoughtful questions about the job, not about vacation days or how long until you get a raise. That shows where your head is at.

Once you are hired, SHOW UP FOR WORK - ON TIME. I had a student worker who had an excuse every other day as to why she couldn't come to work. I was always understanding about time off for exams or school projects, but she was always sick, or lost her driver's license, or locked herself out of her apartment, etc., etc. That, along with her telling me that she didn't want to do what she was hired to do, but she wanted to do other things, caused her to be the only student worker I ever had to fire. Showing up for work is great - showing up on time is even better. Most people do not work in a bubble all alone. Coworkers may need you or the work you are responsible for before they can move on with their jobs. It is extremely frustrating when you cannot complete your work because you are depending on someone else who isn't there or who is late.

Which brings me to DO YOUR JOB. My job very often depended on others doing what they needed to first. If my coworkers decided to spend time on something that was very low on the priority scale while I was under deadline to get something done, my stress level went through the roof. So many people do not have time management skills or know how to prioritize. Classes should be required in these skills. 

DON'T CONSTANTLY USE "FEMALE" EXCUSES. All women have issues to deal with that men do not. Do not make these a constant excuse. If you blame PMS every time you lose your temper or cannot come to work every time you have cramps, see a doctor. This all applies to women going through menopause. I know all of these situations affect each woman differently, but if they affect your life to the point that you cannot do your job, I think you have a medical issue.

TRY NOT TO OVERUSE THE "MOMMY CARD."  I worked throughout my pregnancies and throughout my kids growing up. I know all the trials and tribulations involved. I was lucky enough to be able to work during both my pregnancies right up to the time I gave birth. I know all about sick children, daycare providers who cancel at the last minute, parent-teacher conferences, school field trips, days when the kids are out of school but you have to work, etc. I have dealt with bosses who were not at all understanding. I interviewed for a job in radio that had low pay and no benefits. The woman who owned the station did not accept the excuse of having to miss work to be with your kids for any reason. Yes, she was a working mother - she was also very well off and probably had a full-time nanny! I worked for a brief time for a man who bought the company I was working for. He couldn't understand why I needed to take the day off when my toddler was having a tonsillectomy. Really?! Yes, there are times you cannot help but come in late, leave early, or miss a day to care for your children. Despite what many bosses think, family really is most important. But do try to be considerate about it. Try to give your boss as much notice as possible. If you are at home with a sick child, you may be able to get some work done at home. Try to make other arrangements whenever possible. 

YOU DON"T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR COWORKERS, BUT BE PROFESSIONAL. My daughter used to complain at times about her managers or coworkers at her retail jobs. My husband and I always told her that you don't have to like them, but you do need to treat them professionally. In every job, there will be someone you don't like or don't want to deal with. It is okay not to like him or her. But you still need to interact with this person in a respectful, professional manner. Do what you need to do with them - period.

DON'T THROW OTHERS UNDER THE BUS IN ORDER TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER. I have always been a firm believer in owing up to your mistakes. If I screwed up, I will admit it, apologize for it, and do my best not to let it happen again. But I have known way too many people who refuse to take blame, but will throw the blame on someone else. Many of these people are very sneaky about it, too. It kind of reminds me of things that small children try to get away with. But instead of blaming the dog or baby brother, this culprit would do all he or she can to make you look bad. Don't cast blame. If it belongs on you, fess up. If it doesn't, you don't usually need to be a tattletale. I guess my advice here is to not only own up to your mistakes, but to watch your back also..

SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF. Too many women have issues in their jobs that they will vent to their friends and family about, but will not address with their supervisors. I have definitely been guilty of this. They may feel overworked, under-valued, underpaid. They may want to move up the corporate ladder, but are never considered for promotions. My advice is to always talk to your supervisor - what do you have to lose? I don't mean to run to them every day to tell them how miserable you are. Do let them know that you are interested in moving up - do not base it on how much you dislike your current position, but how effective you feel you would be on the next rung of the ladder. Don't just tell your boss that you have too much to do - try to come up with suggestions t resolve it. Is there a more effective process for getting the work done? Is there someone who could take over part of your duties without overloading that person? Are there some things that really do not even need to be done? Keep the lines of communication open.

I am sure that there are many, many more tips, suggestions, etc., that I will think of later. So be warned that a sequel may be on the way!

I WROTE A NOVEL....

It's been years in the making - literally - but I finally completed my first (hopefully, there will be more!) novel. I have made New Year's resolutions for years to finish it...didn't happen.  My husband threatened to take me to some place secluded so that I could finish it...didn't do it.  When I decided to retire almost two months ago, everyone asked what I planned to do.  "Finishing my novel is at the top of my list," is what I told everyone.  Some people were quite surprised, not even knowing I was writing a novel.  Only my closest friends knew.  And I am not even sure if they had faith that I would in fact complete it.

Upon retiring, did I immediately get to work on the novel?  Nope.  I started cleaning feverishly.  After working full-time forever, I hated spending my whole weekends and days off cleaning the house.  So I started going from room to room and deep cleaning.  I cleaned out cabinets, closets, and the pantry.  I worked with my husband on cleaning out the garage.  I sent photos to my son in Canada asking if this item or that one could be trashed, donated, or put into my garage sale pile.  And there is one thing about cleaning and cleaning out - it gets a lot worse before it gets better.  I would be embarrassed for anyone to see the inside of my house!  Between the bags of clothes that will be donated, to the dining room full of items for my husband's and my side business, to the furniture we are selling on Facebook that is awaiting pickup, plus the miscellaneous dog toys scattered about, my house is a disaster. But I digress.

As I told my daughter, I think one of the reasons I procrastinated was the fear that my novel sucked.  I have written both personally and professionally my whole life.  As a kid, I used to write short stories for the amusement of myself and my best friends. I wrote free verse poetry and have a huge box of it.  It was kind of a therapy for me.  At my various jobs in radio and television, I wrote press releases, news stories, scripts, commercials, and more.  I won the Reader's Choice Award for a short story several years ago from a regional magazine.  I have always felt that I had a talent for writing.  But a novel was out of my comfort zone.  Not only did I need to complete approximately 80,000 words, but those words needed to create a credible story with realistic characters and believable dialogue.  Could I accomplish that?

Well last week, I finished my novel.  After endless tweaking, rewriting, and rereading, I made the call that it was finished.  It was definitely labor.  Was this section believable?  No.  So I rewrote it.  Was this character's name too close to the other character's?  Yes.  So I changed it.  How would I get from this point to that point in a credible way?  I was stuck on that for a couple of days, but had an epiphany in a doctor's office waiting room.  Many a night did I write in my head as I went to sleep.  Many baths and showers were devoted to thinking about the novel.  As I heard another author say about her process, I had to let my characters talk to me.  The novel was born from a paragraph that just popped in my head.  As I got to know the characters, they told me where to go next.  I just wrote it all down.  But was my writing worthy to be shared with the world?

I have read some bad novels.  I have been downloading freebies from BookBub lately.  One cozy mystery (my favorite genre and what my novel is) was awful.  I hated the characters, thought the plot was pretty dumb, and knew who the killer was about halfway through.  I hate not finishing novels, so I read every word.  I kept thinking, "If this person can get a novel published, then I should be able to also!"  But then the thought occurred to me that someone may read my novel and think the same thing!  

At my last job as Promotions Director for a public television station, I was the editor for our monthly program guide.  After working on the guide for weeks, I was too close to it to see any errors.  I would always get a number of people to proof it to look for spelling errors, grammatical errors, or things that just didn't make sense.  When you are too close to a project, it's hard to be objective.  I am definitely not objective, but I am unsure.

I have told people in creative endeavors, whether it was someone wanting to work on-air in radio, someone who wanted to be a writer of some sort, or someone pursuing a talent such as singing, that they need to have a thick skin.  People will always have opinions about your work, both pro and con.  When you get compliments, savor them.  When you get criticisms, you have to differentiate whether it is constructive criticism or just pure negativity.  Especially now in the age of social media, we all know trolls who love to spew mean comments about everyone and everything just for the sake of being cruel.  When you are in the public eye, you need to sort it all out.  With constructive criticism, one should consider the merits.  It doesn't mean that you have to make changes, but you should listen and decide for yourself if this direction is the right one for you.  As for the negative comments, just let them roll off.  You can't let criticism just for the sake of criticizing get to you.  I try to live by what I preach.  If someone has a suggestion that is valid, I am definitely open to it.  I may use it or reject it, but it's an informed decision.  If it's just a cruel remark, who cares?  Let it go.

As I have said, I don't know yet if my novel is good or not, if it can be improved, or if it needs a total overhaul.  Right now, it is in the hands of two people who have promised me blatant honesty.  And I have promised that I will not get angry about any criticisms they have.  And I won't because I am very grateful that they are doing this for me.  I don't know how long the revision process will take or exactly where I go from there, but luckily, I have a New York Times bestselling author - who is also one of my favorites - in my corner who will give me advice.  So if the time comes that my novel gets published, I will kick into marketing high gear, and you will hear LOTS more about it!  But meanwhile, I accomplished something I always wanted to - I WROTE A NOVEL!!!

TEXTBOOKS - AS IF STUDENT LOANS WEREN'T BAD ENOUGH

Don't get me started on student loans!  When I went to college back in the Stone Age, college tuition was cheap.  Even though I went to a private college, it did not break the bank for my parents and I had no student loans.  (And I didn't have any grants or scholarships.)  It is i ridiculous to me that my children, who I basically gave no alternative but to go to college, will be paying off the loans for years.  Yes, I will be happy when my second child has that piece of paper like my first does.  No, I am angry that they will both have a mountain of debt to pay off.

To add insult to injury, on top of tuition, housing, meal plans, and fee after fee after fee, there are the dreaded textbooks.  I have been racking my brain, trying to remember the bookstore at my college.  I know I bought textbooks, but that is all I can remember.  I should do not remember each one costing more than a car note!

Just about every class requires a textbook, some more than one.  Some require an additional workbook, or other required reading, or even worse - the dreaded online code!  If you see a code mentioned, prepare for at least $100 for that!  It's rare, yet wonderful, when your student can use the same textbook for two semesters, which is sometimes the case with a foreign language.  But even then, you probably won't get away without purchasing another workbook and/or a code.  I like to compare the college textbook industry to big pharm - you know you are paring WAY more that the true value!

If you buy your textbooks, at the end of the semester, don't expect to resell it to the bookstore and get much for it.  It's worse that a used car trade-in at the dealership!  If you decide to keep the textbook and try to sell it online (most colleges have Facebook pages devoted to reselling textbooks), you risk the likelihood that the class is now using a newer edition of the book.  Yep, that happens quite often.  What's the big difference between the 3rd edition and the 4th?  I don't think anyone knows.

When my son started college, my husband and I were ignorant.  He got the list of books he needed and he and my husband headed to the bookstore and bought them all.  Of course, the bill was $600 or more, and that didn't include notebooks, pens, scantrons, etc.  After shaking my head, whining, and complaining about this, the mother of his roommate let me in on something I knew nothing about - you can sometimes get your textbooks elsewhere!  I didn't have a clue!  First, there was a store in town that rented and sold textbooks to several area colleges at a lesser price.  Then I discovered the vast number of online sources where textbooks could be located - Amazon, Chegg, Alibris, etc., etc.  I became a whiz at taking ISBN numbers and Googling the heck out of them, making notes on who had which and for what price.

I was so happy to see that most colleges are making textbook rentals more accessible.  And at least one university in my state has a cap on textbook prices for each class.  The thought of paying no more than $75 per class is very appealing compared to the reality on most campuses.

Most of the online textbook services who rent books make it easy on you.  They supply the return label so you don't have to pay shipping.  But there are also things to be aware of.  My daughter has now learned to take a photo of the rental book when it arrives.  When Amazon attempted to charge her full price for a book she didn't even open, saying it had water damage, I was determined to do battle to get her money back.  In the end, Amazon not only credited back the price of the book, but shipped the book back to her to keep (not that she wanted it!). Also, be sure to get the book back on time!  Amazon emails reminders, but not all of the others do.  Also, be sure to keep a log as to where you rented each book from.

Next lesson: Never purchase a book before going to the class the first time.  I know, you saw in the syllabus that it was required.  And someone told you that you had better snatch one up before they are all gone,  Don't do it!  You can do your research beforehand, just in case.  There will be times when you get to class and the professor says not to bother purchasing the book because you really don't need it.  And guess what?  If you buy or rent the book and find you don't need it, you won't get a refund.  You just eat it.

So the theme for today is the textbooks are another expensive necessary evil.  Do your homework, not just in class, but in getting ready for class.  Shop well; shop wisely.  And speaking as a mother, actually crack open that textbook, and not just the night before the exam!

I AM THE SQUEAKY WHEEL

I am not going to say that it always gets the grease.  Sometimes it just annoys others intensely!  But you never know until you squeak!

I remember as a kid that my mother would many times question charges on her credit card or on various bills.  That was pre-online banking days, so she had to actually call or write letters or go in person to get to the bottom of a situation.  I learned from her to always scrutinize each bill, each explanation of benefits, each bank statement, each charge, to make sure that everything was in order.

One of my biggest complaints is the explanation of benefits from medical insurance companies.  I have always said that if I ran for office, the EOB would be at the root of my platform!  I have a college degree and I sometimes have trouble making heads or tails out of them!  Who truly understands all of the codes on those things?!

I spent over a year battling one company.  The insurance company was not covering a test I had done. They would refer me to the doctor's office because it could be a coding issue.  The doctor's office would in turn tell me it was coded correctly and that I needed to go to the facility where the test was done.  That facility told me no, that I needed to talk to the insurance company.  I felt like I was just beating my head against the wall!  But I can be like a dog with a bone - I don't give up that easily!  I finally got the billing person at the doctor's office to talk to the insurance company.  Lo and behold - it was covered and resolved.  But that made me think  - how many people would have looked at that EOB, said, "Darn! That test wasn't covered," and would have paid the ridiculously high amount.  I figure that millions, if not billions, of dollars are needlessly spent every year because people don't have the tools they need to understand these things or fight them.  And I am currently in a battle with an insurance company that has been going on for a year and a half!  I totally believe I am in the right, so it is in its third appeal.

One thing that is easy to keep tabs on - your bank account online.  My husband caught a suspicious $1.00 charge and called the bank immediately.  He was told that hackers will test the waters with a tiny charge.  If it goes undetected, they will go back in for a bigger hit.  Question any charge you see that you do not remember making.

With websites, email, and Facebook, it is easier to pursue issues with companies.  My daughter rented a textbook from Amazon, which she has done before.  (The racket of textbook costs might be another part of my political platform!  That will be a future blog entry!)  She was unhappy that she had spent the money because she wound up not even needing the book for her class. She asked me if I would sent the book back at the end of the semester, so I did.  She called me, angry and in tears, because Amazon hit her with the full charge to buy the textbook, saying that it was water-damaged.  I knew that wasn't true!  So I went to Amazon.com and spent quite a while going from page to page to figure out how to contact them.  Hallelujah - I found an online chat.  I explained the entire situation to the customer service rep, and once he understood the situation, he said Amazon would credit the amount back to her.  I feel that I received such good service is that I explained in detail...I did not get angry...I remained calm and patient...and I am a customer in good standing who rarely has a complaint.

The online chat can be a wonderful thing!  Last week, I had ordered three craft products from Walmart's website.  It was an online purchase only and had to be shipped to me.  The box that arrived looked like it had been run over by the truck that delivered it!  The top was partially open and there was a big gash in the side of the box.  When I opened it, two of the products that were bubble wrapped together were in perfect condition.  But the third one, which was bubble-wrapped by itself, was crushed.  As I opened it, pieces started falling out, and the top part of the piece was smashed in.  It was not an expensive item.  Again, I wondered how many people would just say, "Oh well," and go on with their day.  I searched Walmart's website and was caught in a vicious loop.  I couldn't return it to the store.  Since it came from a third party seller, I was having difficulty getting an answer as to what to do.  I finally found the online chat box.  Eureka!  The customer service rep was very polite and compassionate.  Within a couple of minutes, he had arranged for a new item to be shipped to me.  I did not have to return the damaged one or even send pictures to prove the condition.

The bottom line is to be vigilant and be proactive. Don't ever just assume that a charge is correct - if you are unsure, ask!  If it is a legitimate expense, at least you have your answer.  You won't have lost anything but a little time.  If you find out that there was a coding error or it was an incorrect charge, you may achieve the satisfaction of not only being right, but profiting financially, or at least being made whole.  As they said on Galaxy Quest, "Never give up - never surrender."

Also remember that being a squeaky wheel does not mean being a complaining nag....