RECOGNIZING A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

From the time our children are born, we teach them, They learn through words, deeds, and examples. We are proud when our kids start walking, talking, are potty trained, and say, "please" and "thank you." The older our children get, the bigger the lessons are. We want them to respect themselves and other people. We want our son or daughter to be a good friend to his or her friends. We want them to be upstanding, contributing citizens. We want them to be in healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Starting in their teens years (I am not about to tell any parent at what age they should allow their child to start dating!), we want to meet and assess the people our kids date. We want to know more about them and their families. We want to observe how they treat our kids, how they interact with the rest of the family, the language they use, and the moral code they live by. Sometimes parents have to step in and make their children aware of why they do not approve of the pairings. And we hope that the kids have a pleasant time together without moving too fast or getting too serious. 

As our kids get into their twenties, we try to watch and advise, but it can be hard to be very involved. We want our children to finish college and start a career before settling down. We want our kids to continue to talk to us and ask for advice - because you probably don't know anyone who appreciates unsolicited advice...I know I don't! We REALLY hope that the lessons we have taught our children take root and that our kids don't relive the types of mistakes we made while growing up. We all have painful chapters in our past that should not be repeated.

Of course, we teach our sons about relationship do's and don'ts, but I am going to focus on our daughters right now. All parents wants their daughter to be treated like the princess they see her as. I always taught my daughter that it is much better to be in no relationship than a bad one. She has always had friends who had to have a boyfriend. The second one relationship ended, they would be on the hunt for the next. Dating apps like Tinder have made the hunting easier. Being single can be just what you need sometimes, especially after ending an unfulfilling coupling. Take time to get your head straight; spend time with friends and family; do things like exercise or participate in hobbies that make you feel good.

Sometimes couples break up because they grow apart. Sometimes distance due to family, jobs, or school play a part. Sometimes religion, culture, or the desire to have or not have children throw up a roadblock. The thing that worries my husband and I immensely is the toxic relationship, partially because we have each been in them. My daughter discounted many of my stories because I watch a lot of true crime TV, but HELLO - it's TRUE crime!

Another thing that I have told my daughter repeatedly is the mantra that took me many years to learn: "I would rather be seen as a b**** than a doormat!" In all honesty, I don't really care about what people outside of my immediate family think of me, But I do not want to be seen as anyone's doormat, and that was a tough lesson to learn.

There are a number of red flags that girls/women need to be on the lookout for because these can lead to a toxic situation. If any of these go to the extreme or make you feel afraid or uncomfortable, run and don't look back.

1) Possessiveness - Sometimes this can seem kind of sweet at first. "He loves me so much that he wants me all to himself!" The problem comes when he tries to separate you from your friends and family. He doesn't want you going out with your friends; he wants you to unfriend people he doesn't approve of on social media; he doesn't want you visiting your family, or at least not without him. He doesn't want you engaging in any hobbies that he isn't a part of,

2) Jealousy - Again, this may seem sweet in small doses. Of course you want a mate who cares enough to be a little jealous when another man hits on you. But you don't want someone who goes into a rage when you have an innocent conversation with a friend or coworker. He shouldn't interpret every word you say or every look you give as flirting with someone else. And it's even worse when you have to worry about the things others say to you setting him off also. 

3) Control - Sometimes this goes hand-in-hand with the jealousy and possessiveness. He wants to tell you how to dress, perhaps because he thinks it will attract attention from other men. He might not approve of where you work or the type of work you do. He wants you home from work immediately after you get off with no pre-approved stops along the way. He may disapprove of your hair color or hair style. He may not like the language you use, He doesn't want you to have your own opinions on religion, politics, or anything else - he is right and if you disagree, you are stupid.

4) Verbal Abuse - Whenever he is upset with you, he calls you names. You are a slut, a whore, a liar, or anything else he can think of to hurt you. If your opinion differs from his, you're an idiot. I have heard women say that their men are "only" verbally abusive. Words can cut and hurt as much as a blow and they are just as hard to get over. Saying sorry doesn't erase being made to feel less than, 

5) Insecurity & Diminished Self-Esteem - In a healthy relationship, each person wants the other to be their best. You want to see your partner succeed and feel better about themselves. By encouraging each other and uplifting each other, each person and the relationship is better for it. The toxic guy wants you to feel like you aren't enough for him and that you will never be good enough. If you are with a guy who puts you down, makes you question yourself, and makes you feel insecure in the relationship, you are experiencing toxicity. 

6) Blame - No matter what, it's always your fault. You were the one who made him angry by flirting, dressing slutty, wearing too much makeup, talking to someone else, etc., etc. It's never his fault. If he is upset, you pushed the buttons to get him there.

7) Walls - If he is upset, you want to talk about it to find out what's wrong. If he storms out or tell you that you should know what you did, he is throwing up walls to block real communication. He doesn't want to communicate - he wants to fight or run. If you truly care about your mate's feelings, you want to discuss any issues and come to a resolution or compromise. 

8) Narcissism - He only cares about himself. It's not important what you think or feel, only what he thinks or feels. If he isn't happy, he is going to make sure that you aren't either. In his eyes, it's all about me, me, me. He is the star of his show and you are a minor character.

9) The Past - When he has nothing in the here and now to be upset about, he will bring up things from days, months, or years ago - real or imagined - to be upset with you about. It doesn't matter that you have discussed the subject ad nauseum in the past - it popped into his head and is bothering him now. Perhaps you shared details about your life before him - all couples do - but he doesn't see this as sharing. For him, it is adding to his arsenal of ammunition. He will bring up things you told him about your exes to use against you. It doesn't matter that these things had absolutely nothing to do with him. Once again, he is the sun and everyone and everything revolves around him.

8) Friends & Family - If all of your friends and your family are telling you that you are in an unhealthy situation, you need to take a long, hard look. These are the people who truly love and support you and want what's best for you. They see that you are a different person both with him and because of him. If everyone can see that you are putting up with toxic behavior, open your eyes so that you can see it. 

9) ANY Sign of Physical Abuse - Again, some women think that if their men didn't punch them or worse, then he isn't capable of physical abuse. I am telling you that if he pushes you, breaks objects, or destroys prized possessions, then he is capable of physical abuse. The abuse may be just crossing over the border, but you don't want to be his victim when he snaps. 

I am not going to say that it's easy to get out and stay out of a toxic relationship. I have seen people yo-yo in and out. It's hard when you can only think about the good parts of the relationship. But I'll bet the good things aren't as good now and the bad ones are getting more often and worst. Surround yourself with the people who care about you. Your family and friends will be there to build you back up. Do thinks that make you feel better - go for walks, exercise, take long hot baths. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. In some ways, it's like going cold turkey when you;re addicted to a drug. Don't go back "just once more." Get  therapy if you need it because a therapist can help you understand why you felt the need to stay in a toxic situation. And you do not want to repeat this behavior. Do anything and everything to make yourself a stronger, better, more confident person. 

You are valuable. You are loved. You deserve to feel safe and secure. You deserve happiness. You are nobody's doormat!

BEING REJECTED AS AN AUTHOR...SUCKS!

I finished writing my one and only novel a little over a year ago. It was born from a couple of paragraphs that popped into my head that I just had to write down. This novel was years in the making. Having a full-time job and two very busy kids, I didn't have a lot of time or energy for writing - or I guess the discipline. Working on my novel wasn't something I could work on for ten minutes here and there. I had to be in the zone, and without a lot of interruptions. When I retired from my job, finishing my novel was one of my top priorities.

I have given birth to two kids, but in many ways, giving birth to my novel was more painful and more personal. After all, I had help creating kids, but my novel was all mine. And it wasn't finished in nine months time. For years, these characters lived in my head. I didn't create their lives and adventures - they talked to me; they told me what they would do or say next. I thought I might be crazy until I was at a talk by mystery author Erica Spindler. When she said that her characters talked to her, I almost cheered.

After finishing the novel, I asked two good friends who are well-read and smart if they would read and critique it for me. I assured them that I am not defensive and no matter what they told me that I would not get angry. I hoped my novel was good, but a part of me kept screaming, "It might suck!" These two ladies gave me great feedback - they found typos I had missed, pointed out the overuse of a certain phrase, and confirmed my suspicion that a particular chapter was unnecessary. So after edits and rewrites, I was ready to start the query process in an attempt to find an agent. Little did I know the struggle!

Starting with a suggestion from an author friend, I sent out my first query. Then I started researching and reading and knew that I needed to send more out, pinpointing agents who specialized in my genre. I learned that you send out the queries and wait...a long time. Most agents warn you about the number of weeks or months it may take for you to get a reply. Others bluntly say that if you don't hear back from them then you should consider the answer no, that they will only respond to you if they are interested. Alrighty then.

It wasn't too long before the rejections began rolling in. The majority of the replies are rather generic responses or form letters. "Unfortunately, the project you describe does not suit our list at this time.  We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent and publisher for your work, and we thank you, once again, for letting us consider your materials."  "Thanks so much for thinking of me with this project. Unfortunately, it doesn’t match what I’m looking for at this time. This is an incredibly subjective business, so I encourage you to keep submitting this and I hope other agents feel differently!" "Thank you for the opportunity to consider, but your project is not for me at this time. Best of luck and success in finding the perfect advocate for your work." "I'm afraid it's not right for me, but please keep in mind that mine is a subjective opinion and others will feel differently. I wish you the best in finding a good home for your work." Disappointing, but not exactly devastating.

Then one glorious night, I received this response: "I would be happy to read your manuscript.  Please feel free to email it and include this email chain when you reply. Look forward to reading your work." I was ecstatic! I couldn't wait to send her my manuscript. I was on Cloud Nine imagining how much she was going to love my novel. My mind went into overdrive! I could see the novel in print. I was contemplating book signings, interviews, and fans clamoring for a sequel! But as happy as I was then, I was equally devastated a few weeks later when this agent emailed me again: "Thank you for sending me your manuscript. I enjoyed reading your pages. While your story is interesting, I thought there was a little too much telling and not enough showing in the opening chapters. I wish you the best in finding the right agent who can successfully champion your project." Utter heartbreak.

Some rejections were simple and to the point: "Not for us, thanks." Some responses are a little more hurtful: "While I found the concept intriguing, the story didn't grab me as I had hoped it would. It could be that I am just not the right agent for your project." Or there's: "While this is definitely the kind of project I am interested in, ultimately I wasn’t as taken with your manuscript as I need to be in order to fully get behind it, and so I’m going to pass. I must remain extremely careful to only acquire projects about which I am wildly , passionate, and thus I feel it is in your best interest that I step aside and allow you to continue your search for representation elsewhere."

The moral of the story is that writing is not for the faint of heart. As I have said many times, whether you are a writer, singer, artist - whatever - you need to have a tough skin. Accept constructive criticism, though it's up to you whether it's valid or not. Totally disregard negativity. As Taylor Swift sang, "Haters gonna hate." So I am not the best-selling novelist I had hoped to be. I am not even a published novelist yet. At least I can say that I actually finished writing it....

THE NEW "NORMAL?!"

Being someone who lives near the Gulf coast, the term I loathe above all others in hurricane season is "hunker down." Tell me to take precautions, evacuate, get ready - just don't tell me to hunker down! Now that we are in "coronavirus season," the term I despise is "the new normal." There is nothing about the way we are living now that is normal. I was laid off from my job and have not been able to get unemployment. We only go to the grocery store when we absolutely have to, and we wear a mask, avoid other shoppers, and get out as soon as possible.

My daughter can't work one of her jobs right now. It is a beauty supply chain that has shut down for now. She was lucky in that they are still paying employees 60% of their salaries. She also works for Target and has been working a lot of hours there. Yes, that makes me nervous. Honestly, it makes her nervous, too. She has always suffered from anxiety, and at times lately, it has been raging. She has been having trouble sleeping. She is somewhat frightened of getting the virus. Having had asthma as a child, she worries she would be more susceptible. How I wish I could see her and hug her!

I have watched so much TV that sometimes I cannot bring myself to turn it on! I have gotten well-acquainted with Alexa and she plays some great music for me whenever I ask. I have cross stitched, gardened, done some yard work and cleaning with my husband, but I feel somewhat forlorn and a little useless right now.

Speaking of my husband, the quarantine has not hurt our relationship. I am sure that there are others who can't say that, but we are good together - even when it's 24/7. We occasionally watch Netflix or Amazon together. Other times, he is upstairs watching one thing on TV while I am downstairs doing something else. But it's comforting to each of us that the other is close by.

My heart really breaks for families who were living paycheck-to-paycheck as so many of us do, but are unable to earn a living right now. They worry about paying for rent and food during this trying time. I cry for families who have lost a loved one - some more than one. It is so sad when someone has to die alone in a hospital because their family is not allowed to be with them for fear of being infected. I marvel at the men and women working in hospitals in any capacity - doctor, nurse, therapist, housekeeper, etc. - who put in long hours caring for sick people at a risk to themselves. They put in long day after long day and some do succumb to the virus.

I also an outraged by people who are too stupid to adhere to quarantine and social distancing. I am a Christian but I know that God understands why now is not a good time to be in church. Participate in an online service; read your Bible; pray whenever you want for as long as you want. I believe that preachers who are encouraging people to come to church just want to make themselves into religious martyrs.

I am livid over hackers, schemers, and thieves during such a difficult time, more than during "normal" times. Those who are trying to scam people out of their much-needed stimulus money should be shot. Low lives taking advantage of people's and charities' generosity and turning around to sell the donations are despicable. My daughter and her roommate each had their vehicles broken into on separate occasions. It seems they were looking for money. My daughter keeps little of value in her car, but the roll of quarters she had for the laundromat was taken.

I am a little tired of hearing how we are in this together, especially from celebrities. I am sure it's not hard to self-isolate when you have every comfort of home available. They can have whatever they want delivered to them. They can perform or be guests on shows remotely. They can be lauded for their generosity while staying safely in their palatial homes. We are not in this together - we are each in it on our own, each with our own set of circumstances. 

I honestly am not wallowing in any kind of self-pity. Yes, I get sad and depressed. Yes, I worry about what is to come. I also am grateful to have a roof over my head and food to eat - a little too much junk food though! I do have trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. But for now, we are all in limbo in the "new abnormal."

THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS

Well, not really those leftovers.... Thoughts that still remain in my head about Thanksgiving - that kind of leftovers.

I always loved Thanksgiving! It was especially awesome when I was a kid because my mother did all of the cooking - and she was an excellent cook. When I would drag out of bed, she would have the meal underway - and the house smelled wonderful. She would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade as she filled the turkey with her delicious cornbread stuffing - one of my absolute favorite things on that day! We would have sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie with whipped topping - a wonderful meal. And when I got older, I got to bring leftovers home with me!

After my husband and I got married, we were treated to two Thanksgiving dinners. We would have lunch at my mother's house. Then at dinnertime, we would drive about 10 minutes away to eat again at my mother-in-law's house. I fell in love with my mother-in-law's sweet potato casserole, which has been a part of my Thanksgiving Day ever since.

We did stay home for our second Thanksgiving after we got married. That was because we had a newborn baby. Our son was due on Thanksgiving Eve, but came eight days early via C-section. I was still healing and getting used to being a new mother, so my husband stepped up and smoked a turkey for us. And my baby boy liked waking up and staying up from about 1:30 to 5:30 a.m., so I was up with him, watching a lot of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" in the middle of the night.

My mother-in-law passed away...my mother went into a nursing home...my mother passed away.... Life changes...holidays change.

We started having Thanksgiving dinner at home. My husband and I would get up early and inject the turkey and get it in the oven. I am not sure why, but it somehow organically became a tradition that I would name the turkey each year. For no apparent reason, the turkey is always male, and the name is one that just pops into my head. Naming the bird has never interfered with anyone being able to eat it. Dessert eventually became pecan pies - I got the recipe from a friend, and they are foolproof! 

For a couple of years, my brother-in-law, his daughters, and his then-wife would come to our house for Turkey Day dinner. They were always late because they would realize they forgot the dish they were bringing and would head home to get it. I was great to have more family members to enjoy the day with. All of the cooking was a lot of work, but it was worth it when everyone was gathered here. After they were divorced, my brother-in-law and one of his daughters joined us for dinner. We live about an hour away from them, so I am sure it's easier for him to go to his sister's house just a few minutes away.

My son's girlfriend and then my daughter's boyfriend became a part of the day. The more the merrier in my book. It's one of the few days in the year that we actually enjoy having guests over. The menu would vary slightly. The kids - especially my daughter - love mac and cheese. My mother always had that for them with any meal. So I would try various recipes, not wanting to do the box version. My husband likes green bean casserole, but he was the only one, so it became just green beans. I never stuffed my turkey, but would make a cornbread sausage dressing. We always had the sweet potato casserole, and hot buttered rolls. My son's ex-girlfriend liked pumpkin pie, so I would bake one of those along with the pecan pie, and she and I would eat the pumpkin pie, And we started having dirty rice, peas - only the tiny ones for my husband! - and gravy. It's no wonder that my back was always killing my by that night!

Three Thanksgivings ago, things started changing drastically. As many of you know, that was the day my son decided to marry his girlfriend in a civil ceremony in Canada. And I found out in a roundabout way through my daughter and social media. Hurt and confused doesn't begin to describe it. The next Thanksgiving, Tyler and his wife were living in Canada, so once again, it was my husband, my daughter, her boyfriend, and me. And again, I missed having both of my kids at home.

This year, my daughter added a second job - a seasonal one at Target - so she had to work Thanksgiving night and at both jobs on Black Friday. Since she lives an hour and a half away, she and her boyfriend weren't able to come home. So for the third year in a row, I was missing a kid. I was glad to have my son back home, but didn't want to do a ton of cooking for three people. We had turkey - my husband and I each got a free one when we got our flu shots! - plus green beans, baby peas, brown rice, gravy, sweet potato casserole, hot rolls, and store bought pecan pie. I called it "Thanksgiving Light." We had plenty to eat. We had plenty of leftovers for turkey sandwiches and gumbo. But I didn't have the backache from slaving over the stove all day.

Maybe because I was an only child, I have always dreamed of being a part of a big Thanksgiving dinner. I love seeing all the posts on Facebook with various family members each making various dishes and then coming together to enjoy the feast. I love the idea of the adults chatting and laughing while the kids run around and play. I love the thought of everyone ooing and ahhing over the different foods and everyone eating until they are stuffed - but they are all ready for dessert when it's served. It all seems so special. Maybe one day....

Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful for my husband, my kids, my home, and having food on the table. I do not take any of that for granted. I thank God for my husband and kids every day. Yes, I am blessed and give thanks!

Coming up later this year: Our Belated Christmas! 

JUST BECAUSE IT'S AN ANNIVERSARY DOESN'T MEAN IT'S A HAPPY DAY

An anniversary is defined as the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event. It's usually used for happy occasions. I know a number of people - including myself - who don't like to use the word anniversary when it's used in connection with something horrible such as Hurricane Katrina or 9/11. 

Some of us use the work anniversary to mark the date of the death of someone we loved. I am not fond of that either. I am more inclined to say that it was nine years ago on this date that my mother or father died. 

Two years ago today, I found out that my son got married on his second day in Canada while visiting his long distance, mostly online and by telephone, girlfriend. She had visited him here for a few days before that. So all in all, they had known each other face-to-face for about four days.

I wrote a whole blog entry about this marriage. But the date on the calendar reminds me of the pain I felt. It was Thanksgiving Day here. My daughter and her boyfriend were here for the day, and I was already a little sad that my first born was not here. It was the first time that both of my kids weren't here with us on Thanksgiving. Late that afternoon, my daughter brought me her phone with a photo my son had posted on social media showing his and his girlfriend's hands and what appeared to be wedding bands. She said, "Mom! I think Tyler got married!" Nah...couldn't be true. It must be a joke. But later in the day, Jess found out that it was true - the two of them had a civil ceremony in Toronto. My son did not call her, text me, or IM me or his father before or after. I was hurt to my very core. When I get extremely hurt or angry, I shut down. I could not speak to Tyler in any form the rest of his time in Canada. I had a hard time speaking to him a while after he got home, especially since he had such a cavalier attitude about what he had done.

Fast forward a few months. Tyler and his wife drove from Louisiana to Toronto where there were going to live together in a small basement apartment. They had not done a lot of research about what it took to become a Canadian resident or to get a work permit. They had in their heads that it would take a few months - HA! But everything was great...at first. You know how that honeymoon phase is. His wife had a job and worked about eight blocks from their apartment, so Tyler would walk her to work and then go home to do laundry or clean up. Many times, he would meet her for her lunch break. He would meet her to walk her home from work.

Not only were they experiencing wedded bliss, but they spent money like there was no tomorrow. They bought furniture that they probably didn't need. They had food and groceries delivered. She made a decent salary, but not enough to support two spenders in an expensive city like Toronto. 

It wasn't long before the gold began to tarnish. They started to argue all of the time. It wasn't just about money - it was everything. They found out quickly that they didn't have the money to do anything. I tried emailing him free things to do in Toronto to get them out of the apartment sometimes. I sent him many possible work from home jobs. I spent countless hours on the phone with Ty talking to him about communication.and respect. Meanwhile, the months dragged out without getting any nearer to a work permit for him.

Tyler's wife had some medical problems. If you have ever - like me - thought that the healthcare system in Canada was superior to ours in the U.S., think again! Try waiting for a month or two to see a specialist. Try having a doctor who doesn't really care if what you have is diagnosed or not. Try prescriptions that are not covered and are extremely expensive. I was proud that Ty was doing all he could to help his wife - go with her to appointments, research her symptoms, go to the drug store for her, wait on her hand and foot. But it was never enough in her eyes.

Their relationship didn't just explode - it was like the fireball version of a snowball...the faster it got, the bigger, hotter, and more ugly it got.Tyler truly wanted to make his marriage work. He agreed to go to counselling. He worked on his anger issues and communication skills. He took my advice and lowered his voice, plus tried to lose the swear words. But sometimes - especially when you are the only one trying - a broken relationship can't be fixed.

Tyler's exodus from Canada is a long, ugly story. Maybe one day, I can find the words to write it down. Let's just say that this is not a happy occasion...we will not celebrate this date...and Roy is the only one to whom I have mentioned what date today is.

May all of your anniversaries be happy ones.

BACK TO SCHOOL PTSD

My kids are older now - one graduated from college two years ago and the other is getting ready to graduate from college in December - but when it's about time for the school year to start, I get extremely anxious. During the summers, I would dread getting that letter in the mail with the school supplies each child would need, along with the summer required reading list. I would spend the entire summer nagging the kids to get their reading done. If it was done at all, it wouldn't be until the last minute! When we found out that my daughter was classic ADD, we found she could absorb better if I read the books to her...so that helped. (Even in college, audio books help her quite a bit.)

Along with the required reading list was the dreaded school supply list. I am sure there were some parents who would head to the store immediately to get the required plastic red folders with two pockets and purple college-ruled notebooks. Some of us - meaning me - would put it off as long as possible and then go insane trying to find all of the items listed. If you misplaced your list, never fear - Walmart had copies as you walked in the door. I was sure they were mocking me every time I walked past them.

My biggest annoyance with the lists were when required brands of items were listed. Was the school getting a kickback from Crayola for all those crayons and markers? Were Fiskar scissors better or safer? Sorry schools, but my kids sometimes brought the cheaper stuff - though I never received a single complaint!

Walmart, Target, Kmart, etc., had prominent displays of school uniforms. My kids hated wearing uniforms in the first place, and since they had most likely outgrown last year's uniforms, were not happy about trying on new ones. At least my daughter could occasionally wear polo shirts my son had outgrown. Plus, they would need new shoes and new backpacks. It was rare that a backpack even made it through ONE school year! And don't get me started on the socks! My daughter got written up because she was wearing socks that didn't show.

As the title of the post says, I suffer from Back to School PTSD. It's a thing! When I go into Walmart to buy groceries and then get hit in the face with school supply lists, rows of supplies and backpacks, racks of uniforms, and other items such as small refrigerators for dorm rooms, my heart starts racing and I begin to hyperventilate! If I happen to see the tri-fold boards for science fair projects, I want to run out of there screaming! When I become queen, science fair projects will be outlawed!

Don't get me wrong - I liked the schools my kids went to. I believe they each got a good education. I respected (most of) my kids' teachers. I know how hard teachers work and that they wind up buying a lot of supplies out of their own pockets. I appreciate the school supply and uniform drives held in our community. But it doesn't calm my nerves when back to school time rolls around.

Are there support groups for this condition?

MARKETING MUST BE IN MY BLOOD...OR AT LEAST MY BRAIN

A lot of my professional career has revolved around promotion and/or marketing. When I was in radio, I was marketing and promoting myself. In television, I was promoting the station and our programming. I love to find ways to partner with other organizations and produce the perfect win-win situation.

I knew that marketing had seeped into my being when I had a marketing dream a few nights ago. I used to have those dreams where I showed up for a class only to find out there was a test I was not prepared for. I have dreamed that I was in a radio news booth with the microphone going live only to realize that I had no news, and I was grabbing any scrap of paper in an attempt to find something to read. But this marketing dream was a first.

I dreamed that the owner of the daycare center where my kids went many years ago was asking me how she could get more families to use her center. I was going through various options that cost nothing to get awareness of her center out to the public. The irony is that in real life, her center always has a waiting list because it's so well-respected.

I love seeing businesses that are proactive, getting involved on local Facebook pages. For example, if someone is looking for a new plumber, it's nice to see a plumber promote his business and any specials that he may be offering. If someone has a complaint about a local grocery store, it's nice to see a representative from the store get involved in the conversation and try to make things right.

I am constantly wishing I could step in and assist various businesses with their marketing. It is so rewarding to me to see a little effort results in a boost in sales, ratings, or whatever the goal is. So many times, I see simple ways that businesses can be more proactive. My daughter works for a store that sells hair and skin products solely to licensed professionals. The store was gearing up for a huge sale and she asked if I had any ideas for getting the word out to the right people. They had made flyers that they were putting in the bags when customers made purchases. I asked her if they were sending an e-blast to their customers. She said that they didn't have their customers email addresses, and these were not people who used email a lot. I took issue with both statements. Even at a public television station, we gathered the email addresses of everyone we interacted with in order to keep them up on events, programs, etc. An email database makes so much sense to me, and it takes so little time and effort to get a blast out about the big sale. If only a few people are lured in the store by the blast, it's worth it since it cost nothing to do. And every hairdresser I know checks their emails....

I hope to one day use my marketing skills "when" my novel is published - I have countless ideas about getting the word out about my creation. And none of those ways cost a penny! (I am a huge fan of earned media!)

I am working on setting up a podcast right now that I will host with my faithful, though goofy, sidekick - my husband - at my side. If my producer son gets everything ready for me this week, we will record our first episode. And yes, I will be marketing it, as well as cross-promoting it with my blog. So stay tuned!