STRESS & DISTRESS - THEN REPEAT

Is every mother stressed, worried, nervous, overwhelmed, concerned, and overworked - or is it just me?  Every day, I think I am trying my best to get done what needs to be done, but then at the end of the day, I feel like I have not been productive at all.  I put in 8+ hours a day at work, but only scratch the surface of what needs to be done.  I take work home on the weekends, but then feel guilty that I am not spending time with my family - or doing housework that has gone undone all week.  If I do the housework, I feel guilty for not getting my work done for the office.  And if I do work or housework, I feel cheated for not getting to work on my still unfinished novel.  There just isn't enough time in the day...week...month...year...life!

I feel guilty for not cooking from scratch more.  It seems that we live off the same frozen foods week after week.  Yes, I have a very busy teenage daughter.  No, we have not allowed her to drive to school, etc., just yet.  That will come soon enough.  So now, time is at a premium.  When she does start driving herself everywhere, I really will miss our conversations in the car - though never in the morning - and listening to the radio with her.  I really like her taste in music, and she has begun to appreciate some of mine.

I know that, once upon a time, I had tons of free time.  In fact, I remember many a Sunday when I was downright bored.  I remember taking naps, and doing cross-stitch, and reading books.  Now it seems that I do a lot of dishes and laundry, and spend a lot of times looking for lost or misplaced items.  (And yes, I usually get the blame.)  I have visions of getting bedrooms painted, landscaping the backyard, planting roses in every color, making all kinds of crafts, and starting a business on the side.  But year in and year out, those things never seem to get done.

Don't get me wrong - I love my family!  I could do without the stress and arguments and feelings of guilt every morning and every night.  Did I do enough?  Did I do it well?  Could I have done more - or at least have done it better?  And that applies to my job, my husband, my kids, my house, my pets....  Sometimes I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders...and they are starting to sag.

I know - rub some dirt on it and walk it off, as my husband would say.  I know that a lot of my stress and guilt is self-inflicted.  But the bottom line is that I will keep going...doing my best sometimes...not so much other times.  I will fail; I will make mistakes; I will worry and stress and feel guilt.  But maybe one day, my kids will look back and appreciate all that I have at least tried to do with and for them.  It took me a long time to see what a warrior my mother was.  If I am half the mother she was, I am doing pretty good.